Day 9: Drawing Closer to God (Far from Perfect)

Although, my own walk with the Lord is far from perfect, I am so grateful to him for the baby steps that seem to happen every day from over coming fear and anxiety on what to say to people to not beating myself up for my own limitations. I am seeing firsthand how focusing on the Lord and his love for me conquers those fears, clears away the worries and helps me to see myself as the Lord sees me: unique, beautiful, child of God. I feel like I am really living out what Jesus wants for me and he is given me more and more confidence in what he has called me to do. So, I sing his praise because without Him it would not be. He is my strength, my confidence and my peace.
Phillipians 1:6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Day 6: Drawing Closer to God (Fear No More)

A few days ago I had to make a phone call that had me feeling a little anxiety. An older member of my flock as a deacon at my church was in her last days I was told via email. In the email, was the phone number for the daughter of this dying lady. So, rather than making a trip out to the facility she and her husband have been living in, I decided it was best to call the daughter since it had been a couple days since receiving the email and I had not been in a situation to be able to reach out to them. I have never been big on calling people that I do not know, let alone calling someone under such circumstances but I shared my anxiety with my hubbie and God worked through his encouraging words to help me let go of my anxiety and just do what God wanted me to do. I made the call and was sad to hear that she had indeed passed away a day after I got the email. I attended her memorial service today and found I had no more fear. I just felt conviction to be there and offer some loving words. I met the daughter and could tell how fraught she was in her grief. I boldly asked her if she was a believer and she said she was working on it; that she had turned away. I told her that I would pray that her heart would be opened to receiving the comfort and peace that only God can give her. I went on over to the husband and prayed he too would have comfort and peace. I walked away from this service thinking how much God had helped me with the loving words and touch I gave these people. I let God use me as his tool. My fearful nature is still there but I have come more and more to rely on God to help me overcome when those moments creep in. I can see a time when I will fear no more thanks be to God.
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 307

I have found a three part sermon series on the fruit of the spirit that is very well written. The first part of the first sermon is setting straight that it is not fruits of the Spirit but fruit of the spirit. The nine character traits that are in Galatians 5:22: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control are a parts of what we can have with the Holy Spirit dwelling within us. And like all fruit(s) these character traits ripen and grow over time with the guiding of the Holy Spirit and our daily walk with God. Here are two statements from this first sermon that state in a clear way what that “Fruit of the Spirit” is:

Fruit of the Spirit is a physical manifestation of a Christian’s transformed life.

Fruit of the Spirit is the visible growth in Jesus Christ.

Take some time to meditate on this today and let the Holy Spirit speak to you about your character traits and how the ripening process is going.

John 15:1 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challege-Day 272

We watched a movie called “Killing Season” last evening with Robert DeNiro and John Travolta.  At first, I thought it was going to be another vengeance-themed movie but it ended up having some depth and a good message about forgiveness. The basis of the story is about an American soldier who during the Bosnian War shot execution-style, along with his squad, prisoners they had captured who had done horrible things to women, men and children. 20 years later, this soldier is now in the mountains living the life of a recluse, avoiding his family. The man he shot survived and came back to seek vengeance but what he really wanted was a confession from the soldier that shot him. In the end, the confession comes and a beautiful thing happens, there is forgiveness. The vengeful man returns to his life with a smile on his face and the soldier goes to meet the grandson he has not yet met. Bitterness and shame will put up a wall that will keep you from living the life God intended with love and peace. But with forgiveness, our bitterness or shame will be washed clean and we can go out with peace in our hearts and be able to love as God love’s us.

1 John 1:9  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 255

**sorry this is long but I hope this will help you**

Keeping your mind clear and maintaining self-control are much harder than it seems. A clear mind and self-control are easy enough when things are good but when faced with not so good things that flood us with emotions, our thinking becomes cloudy and focusing on the Lord is like trying to find a black sock in a dark room. This cloudy thinking problem happened to me on Thursday. I read an email from one of the co-managers and saw red. I tried to temper my reaction and stopped myself from sending a reply email that would not have been friendly and got up and went to get some tea. I got my tea and went and talked about the situation with the other co-manager who I know listens. I felt better having talked to her but that anger was still inside. I went back to my desk intending to try to let it all go but the co-manager that triggered this anger ended up at my desk asking me how I was doing. I started off by calmly telling her that I was angry and began to tell her why but in her typical way she interrupted me. I ended up raising my voice asking her to listen to me and that helped for about 2 seconds and she was back again not listening. Well, that just fueled the anger that I had at this point been able to control. She pretty much said I shouldn’t expect someone to do their job when something is passed over to them. So, my response was anger-filled and I told her than I would no longer trust sending anything to the Texas office and I would send anything that I could not get done myself to the managers here so that I could…It’s a long story but basically the new program that some jurisdictions now run in I don’t have the ability or training to do some of the things I could do in our other program. In any case, the heart of the matter lies with this cloudy anger-frustration-filled thinking and not stopping and praying right then and there for God’s peace. My praying ended up coming afterwards and all night long as I tried to sleep. I kept thinking how I tried so hard to control my reactions and realized that “I” was the problem. Before talking with anyone about this “I” should have been talking to God. With his help, “We” would have overcome this challenge together. Well, with God’s help the next morning the Lord and I apologized to the co-manager for raising my voice. So, my homework on this is going to be finding a scripture that I can memorize that will help me when this cloudy thinking comes into play so it will be in my heart and soul and God’s living word will help me gain perspective and put my focus on Him who will guide me in making godly choices that will bring Him glory.

1Peter 4:7 Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.

(I read this at lunch time that same day this all happened. God is so working on me)

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 248

There was a specific time I am reminded of when I felt at peace and really trusted God and knew I was exactly where he wanted me to be. It was without a doubt one of the most difficult times in my life. It didn’t start off peaceful and my trust in God was overwhelmed by my fear. It was when I went into labor with my daughter at 20 weeks. I went from being the most scared I have ever been to feeling complete trust and peace with God. How did that happen? It wasn’t me. It was all God. Since that time, my faith wavers, my focus isn’t on Him and peace isn’t always there. There was a moment in the hospital when I turned to God in total dependence on Him. It was the moment when not knowing what to do I prayed asking for His help. I immediately was filled with peace and the answer was given to my spirit and I knew without any doubt that all was to be okay and I was exactly where God wanted me. How is it we can have that peace? The answer is taking the focus off ourselves and putting the focus on God. Living with our focus on God is possible but it is something that we have to commit to and follow through with. Start with being in the Word of God every day. Amazing things happen when we take the focus off of ourselves and put it on the Lord. I am especially tickled by this scripture in Acts of Paul and his sense of humor. It truly shows how much he is at peace with his circumstances of being in jail for 2 years without doing anything criminal.

Acts: 26: 28-29 Then Agrippa said to Paul, “Do you think that in such a short time you can persuade me to be a Christian?” Paul replied, “Short or long—I pray God that not only you but all who are listening to me today may become what I am, except for these chains.”

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 191

I was in quick work mode yesterday as I had again to process the mail which ended up taking me all day long. By mid-afternoon, my shoulder was starting to ache from the repetitive motion. I leaned over my chair to pick up an envelope that had dropped to the floor and my long necklace caught on my chair arm and ripped apart. I blew like a volcano that was stewing for a long time. I managed to keep my tongue and just stormed off to the water cooler to get some cold water into me to cool me down. I had peacefully taken the task of doing the mail again even though my own work is now behind 4 days but the necklace was personal. I was angry and everyone knew it. But one of my co-workers thoughtfully came over to my desk and said she repairs jewelry because she has a lot of the tools from her musical days so she took a look at the necklace. It is going to need a sodering iron to fuse the piece together that broke apart which she doesn’t have. It humbled me that she reached out to help me. I know it is just a cheap necklace but I really liked it. I think the mail aspect is what I was really angry about because it put me so much more behind. But I am only one person and do the best I can so I need to leave it at that. Lord, may your peace be within me all this day and all the days to come.

2 Thessalonians 3:16 Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 190

Yesterday I found myself stressing and later thought about why I was stressing. Indeed, why? The Lord has my back. He’s got it covered. But the control part of my temperament has a need to control everything so when things are not in the control I like, I get stressed. The busyness of life has taken over and my prayer life has been little bits here and there but I need to take those moments much more frequently and reverently; not like I am in a hurry. Peace comes when we are one on one with the spirit of God inside of us. So, I may get caught today with my head bowed in prayer looking like I am doing nothing but it really is everything.

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 187 & 188

My Saturday turned into a nursing day as my daughter came down with some stomach bug. Thankfully, she seems to be better this morning so we will prepare for her going off to camp later this afternoon and hope that this feeling better stuff sticks around. There is something about my kids being sick that spurs my compassion and my fears. I will do whatever they need to feel better and I will sleep fitfully because of fear of how they are doing in the middle of the night. I am sure I am not alone in this. Most mothers out there are nodding there heads with a been there-done that kind of attitude. I got up once at 4am and went to check on her. Something about seeing how they are takes the fears away. As all this was going on, I was concerned about some spots that appeared on my lower legs and my arm. The Shingles sign at the pharmacy has been on my mind and so my imagination worked with my fear but I stopped myself from continuing this line of thought and prayed for God to take away this fear. Having more knowledge about shingles has helped. They recommend getting the very safe vaccine for ages 50 and up so I have a couple years. I just don’t do well with pain and from what I have heard and seen about shingles it is not something I want to get. Prayer and thanksgiving are the best antidotes to these kinds of “what if” fears. So, I am thankful these spots I have are probably a bug that bite me a few times to many and I am thankful my daughter has a strong immune system and that I know the Lord is watching out for her. Peace has taken over the spots of fear in my heart.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 96

The story of Joseph is one of my favorites for many reasons but especially to show that God’s purpose is working through everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. Joseph was thrown in a pit, sold by his brothers as a slave, shipped off to a foreign country and accused of attempted rape and thrown in jail. But he was in a place where he could use the gift God gave him with his dreams that would end up helping the Pharaoh and the whole nation of Egypt and put him in a place to help and forgive his brothers. Joseph had learned throughout his tribulations that no matter what his brothers intended that God intended it for good. This belief is what helped Joseph in forgiving his brothers. The evil in the world is certainly not good but God will use it for his good purpose of bringing more souls to salvation and back in relationship with him. If we have this belief in our hearts of the goodness of God and his purpose than we too will be able to forgive which is the way to gaining freedom and peace. God is good.

Genesis 50:19-20  But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 80

I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night thanks to the cup of tea I had but that cup of tea brought not only my sleepless night but joy and peace. The joy part came when all of a sudden my daughter took off running for the bathroom. She got in there and I hear this big “ahhhhhhhhh” and just smiled really big and looked up towards God and thought you gave me a mini-me, I don’t know if I should be scared or joyful about this but I will take the joy. The peace came in the middle of the night as I tossed and turned and got up to go to the bathroom 3-4 times. I got back in bed and just laid there wanting my mind to relax and shut off and I heard the train whistle blowing. At that moment I thought of how you come to get use to the sounds like a train whistle during the night to the point you don’t even notice them anymore. God is speaking to us all of the time but have the sounds and sights of our life drowned out the voice of God? Quiet time with God is an essential aspect to the Christian life. Without this time and being still to hear his voice, we will be led by the things of this world into darker territory. You often hear of the excuses a mother will say like there is just too much stuff to do, I can’t get a moment alone and I am sure I used that excuse myself thinking this is just a season I am in and I will get back to having my time with God. It’s time to let go of any of those excuses you have had that are keeping you from having some quiet time with God. I am a morning person so naturally it is the best part of the day for me. My mind is fresh and ready for the day but it may be best for you in the evening or afternoon time with a cup of tea. I have enjoyed my quiet time although it is often interrupted with my daughter waking up and coming downstairs but the point is to do it.  Lord, thank you for the peace you gave me last night when I heard that train whistle and thought of you. Help me to take the time to just stop everything and be with you with my mind, body and soul. Amen.

Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 73

Today I will ponder these words from CS Lewis, “God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.” Without Jesus, we cannot find what we need. We are like a blind man stumbling along in the dark but with Jesus by our side, he can lead us towards all that we need.

Phillipians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 67

My team lead walked in yesterday from meeting with our office manager and started saying in this down voice how she has never in all her years of working been written up for anything until today. What?! Apparently, there are too many mistakes being made and everyone has a negative attitude. Wow, and they are going to blame our team lead for that. Well, we ended up all having a meeting with our office manager along with someone from the payroll company because she wanted to here our concerns but not our complaints. We all agreed those were the same. She is now trying to work with us on figuring out what we need in terms of more man-power. We had a person that was brought back on a part-time basis but was let go a couple of weeks ago. That’s when I got all the mail duty. So, as I sat there in the meeting listening to everyone else voice their “concerns”, I said a prayer to God for peace and the right words to come out when it was my turn. I can’t say all is well but I feel at least I got to voice my concerns and now it us up to them. I really am at peace about the whole work load thing now. I am learning to let it go and just be thankful for a job and do the best I can within the 8 hours I put in.

Colossians 3:15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 66

As I worked away on the 700+ pieces of mail I had to open, sort and count, I began thinking of how I have a college education and here I am opening mail. I was feeling pathetically angry with myself being in this situation. Needless to say, it is the hormones talking as I normally know that I am where God wants me to be for now and I am working on equipping myself for his calling.  I can’t say I was filled with peace my whole day but I got little micro bites of it when I caught a glance of my prayer cards and stopped to read one. For just a minute, I felt a smile on my face and in my heart. I know the hormones are not done with me yet this month so I am arming myself with my headphones and I-phone to listen to the Christan music that inspires me today and will pray for peace to reign in my heart just as Jesus reigns over the world.

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 65

How dependent on God are you? I am betting not as much as you could be only because that is where I am at too. I am finding that being dependent on God, relying on God takes away the worries of life and brings peace. But can I be relying on God more? Yes. The goal is to be relying on God 24/7, all the time, every minute of every day. Imagine feeling that peace that passes all understanding every day. It is possible with the Holy Spirit’s help and doing our part in asking. Lord, we ask that we see the reminders in your creation today of how well you take care of us all and ask you to take away our worries and bring us the peace that only you can give. With you all things are possible. Amen.

Matthew 6:25-27 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 64

Peace is one of those things that have duo connotations. There is the inner peace within our mind, soul and body and there is the outer peace among us and the world. Jesus made it clear he didn’t come to bring peace, this is the outer peace. He said their will be wars and strife in the days to come. This outer peace will only come when Jesus returns. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for the outer peace but we must know that it won’t come without Jesus. The inner peace is something that we already have within us if we are believers in the one and only son of God and savior of the world. The Holy Spirit is in us waiting for us to call upon him to bring us the inner peace we so desire. We can’t change what is happening in the world but we can change our hearts and have peace regardless of the circumstances of the world. Our inner peace will help others turn from evil and find the truth. Our inner peace is our sword to fight the evil of this world.

Matthew 10:34 Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 63

Maybe I am a slow learner but I am still learning about myself at 47 years of age. The more I learn about myself the more I feel everything balancing out and the more peace I feel. I struggled after taking the Meyers-Brigg assessment several years ago and finding that my personality type was extremely rare, like 1% of the population. It created more disturbances in me rather than giving me any peace. But the more I am in the word of God and learning about the temperament he created in me when I was knit together in my mother’s womb, the more at peace I feel about myself and who God created me to be. It is my own real-life example of how looking to man-created therapy, assessments, etc doesn’t work and how seeking the real truth in the Word of God will lead you to the peace and all that you need. May the Lord lead you to his truth and bring balance and peace. With God all things are possible. Amen.

Romans 5:1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we stand.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 61

Peace. We see the peace signs, we here the talk of peace vs war on the news but do we know the real meaning of peace. Some definitions I found may help guide me in discovering what peace is: freedom from disturbance, state of security, state of balance and understanding of self and others, calm, contentment in obedience to law, tranquility of mind, harmony, to be quiet, to be silent, to stop.   This last one, to stop, really made me pause. Stop trying to do it on your own, stop trying to be God, stop over-analyzing everything, stop letting the world dictate your actions and on and on… Peace cannot be attained on our own. God is the only source of true peace and it is through our belief in Jesus that we can obtain this peace. CS Lewis said it well, “God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing. If you are searching for peace, I pray you will be lead to the one and only that can give it to you.

John 14: 26-27 But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 52

Everyone turned and looked up from their desk when I came in and said my cheery good morning. I imagined the mountains singing and the trees applauding and before opening that door to my office prayed to the Lord again to fill me with His joy and peace. It was so awesome to see the difference in the others when you come in with joy-filled and peace-filled eyes. But my rejoicing over being filled with joy was misplaced slightly. I was glad to have that joyful and peaceful attitude as I worked but the real joy is in the reason that I was filled with that joy and peace in the first place. Jesus is my king, savior and everything. Because of Him, I have been adopted into the kingdom of Heaven and am a child of God. My name is written in the book of life. There is much to be joyful for but the reason I have this joy is because of the one and only Jesus. I will rejoice in Him.

Luke 10:20 However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 50

We had such a great time watching the Bronco game yesterday. It was a bummer that it didn’t end well for them. I just hate it when a game comes down to a field goal and you know there were mistakes made along the way that could have made the outcome different. But that is what life is all about. Making mistakes and hopefully growing from them. I woke up early this morning and got up to go to the bathroom and get a drink and my mind ended up thinking about stuff at work. I was thinking on this stuff for just a minute when I realized I was worrying about it. So, I began to analyze why I was worrying about it and figured out that it was because of my need for approval and to show that I can do it all. I wanted to make sure that what the boss, owner and my co-workers thought of me was that I am the best and most capable person to do this job. I realized I was being selfish and immediately started praying to God asking for forgiveness and thanking him for helping me see this for what it is so I can grow. From what I have learned about temperament theory so far, there are weaknesses in every temperament. God designed us this way so that we would have the need to reach out to him. These weaknesses in our temperament can be overcome with the power of the Holy Spirit within us. One of the weaknesses within my temperament is worry and/or fear. I have come along way with my fears in this past year and now it looks like the Lord is showing me my worries need to go to Him too. After praying to him about this worry over work and asking for forgiveness, my mind was at peace and I was able to get back to sleep. I have not overly thought of work since. I am certain the Broncos will be re-playing the game they just lost over and over again to analyze what they could have done better, what choices could have been better, what mistakes need to be worked on. They will work on these and hopefully come back a stronger and better team next season. Mistakes, sins and their outcome aren’t on my list of pleasures but the end result of these can be growth in our relationship with the Lord and in becoming more and more as he wants us to be. That in itself is joy. Knowing that God is working on us, molding us, helping us become more like Jesus is the joy in the midst of the mistake or sins we do.

Psalm 43:4 Then will I go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and delight.