My Journey of Faith
Testimony of My Conversion, Christian
Life Experience, My Calling and Concept of Ministry
Although I grew up in the Catholic Church, my childhood and
teenage life experiences clouded the full understanding of what Jesus did on
the cross for me. I felt abandoned by my mother at age 5, rejected by my father
at age 12 and starving for love all through my teens and twenties. Without the
necessary guidance, I was lost and much of what happened is buried too deep in
my memory.
By age 18, I was on the wrong-choice road of promiscuity
which was driven by my desperate need to feel loved. At age 28, I finally hit
rock bottom and felt the Spirit of God leading me back to church and counseling.
I learned how God made me a unique creation and how I was valued by Him. I
began to see myself through His eyes. Soon after this discovery, I met my
husband, married, had my first child and became a stay-at-home mom. These were
only baby steps on my journey of faith.
I did not fully comprehend what Jesus did on the cross was
for me, for my sins, to save me. For many years, I denied that my sins were
even sins. It wasn't until when I was 35 years old that I finally got it. The
next steps on my faith journey were gigantic. When my son was approaching that 3-year-old
mark, I told my husband it's time to
start working on baby number two. In my mind, I thought 3 or so years apart
would be ideal for the two children we wanted to have. It became painfully
clear that that wasn't going to happen as month after month went by with not
getting pregnant. The doctors won't even look into the possible whys until you
have tried for a year. So after a year of trying, we spent the next year trying
to find out why I wasn't getting pregnant. It had happened within 3 months to
get pregnant with my son so what was different? Nothing. I was ovulating, sperm
were working well, and nothing else was shown to be a problem. No answers came.
So month after month I went on with this cycle of hope and then crushing
disappointment and discouragement. The first “gigantic” step in faith came when
I attended a Christian women’s club meeting I was invited to attend. The
message got through to me that I was not the one in control. I asked the Lord
to forgive me of my sins and be my Savior. I felt peace about when and if
another baby was going to be in our future as I knew if it were God’s will then
it would happen in His time. I had stopped trying to be in control and let God
do His thing. The mind of sinful man is
death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6
About 2 years later,
in August of 2002 on the drive home from Denver and the Women of Faith
conference friends and I had just finished attending, a women in the car that I
had just met because of this conference asked me how I came to Christ. So, as I
had done before, I told her my story of secondary infertility but after I
finished, God spoke to me and said there's more to your story; don't be afraid.
I knew what he was talking about, my secret sins. It was time to let go of the
fear and expose my sins not just to Him but to the world. I decided to tell my husband
first. All those times I had been crying in the bathroom with what you thought
was just disappointment at not getting pregnant, I was also crying because I
knew that the three abortions I had had in my 20's were sins and I was finally
truly sorry for what I had done. While my first “gigantic” step into faith in
Christ had given me peace, this second big step gave me freedom I had never
felt before. The burden of my sins was lifted off me and less than 2 months
later I was pregnant. To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus
said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will
know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:31-32
At this point, I was so filled with joy and love for the
Lord, that I started praying to Him on how he could use me. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, show me the way
I should go, for to you, I lift up my soul. Psalm 143:8 I felt my past sins and experience could be used to
help other women. The Lord answered this prayer in an unexpected way. At 20
weeks pregnant, I started to have labor pains. I was filled with fear at what
might be happening to my baby. After reaching the hospital, the nurse found
that my amniotic sac was protruding out of the womb. They immediately put me into
“trendelenberg” which is a fancy way of saying my bed was tilted backward by 10
degrees to allow gravity to pull the amniotic sac back in. The doctor came and
told us she didn’t know what started first, the labor pains triggering the
cervix opening or the cervix opening triggering the labor pains. She gave us
two options: surgery to put a stitch in the cervix or labor-stopping drugs. She
told us to talk it over and she would be back in 5 minutes. My husband and I
weighed the two options. The surgery seemed more dangerous to me because of the
amniotic sac protruding out of the womb. I was already familiar with the labor-stopping
drugs because my first baby was born 6 weeks early. My husband thought the
surgery option was the choice to make but gave me final say on what was to be
done. So, I prayed as hard as anyone could ever pray and suddenly was filled
with complete peace. “Therefore I tell
you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it
will be yours.” Mark 11:24 I
knew in my heart that I was to go the drug route but also knew that my daughter
was going to live and be healthy. My husband told me I could name her anything
I wanted and so that night in the hospital, I named her “Faith”. Over the next 24 hours I was given the drugs
and the labor did stop but the amniotic sac hadn’t moved back inside. Because
they didn’t know what got this all started and because of the amniotic sac
issue, I was told I would have to stay in this 10 degree angled position for as
long as possible. At this point, I was moved to the Women’s Center in the
hospital in the hopes of a long stay. The two nurses who had taken care of me
in the first 24 hours came to visit me and told me that they had totally felt
the presence of God in my room. In the next few days, it became clear to me
that God had me here for a reason. I started sharing my story with every nurse
who attended me and everyone that came to visit me from my church. I felt
confident that many women would be able to relate to my story and be
encouraged. My daughter stayed inside for another 4 and a half weeks. She was
born on March 25, 2003 at 1lb 14oz coming feet first prompting an emergency
C-section. She had a rocky road those first two months but finally reached a
pivot point and was able to come home 3 months after her birth. She grew and caught up in her development
quickly and by the age of 3 was taken fully off of needing extra oxygen. She is
now a healthy and vibrant 14 year old. I
will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. Psalm 9:1
Over the next few years following my daughter’s birth, I
volunteered as a Sunday School Teacher, VBS teacher, continued with being on
the MOPS ministry team and began a neighborhood bible study group. It was during this time that I was confronted
with a past childhood issue that I did not remember. It began with my 8
year-old son and his sudden inability to go to sleep and stay in his bed all
night because of fear. It came to a point when I knew that we needed help so we
went to see a counselor. Thankfully, my
son conquered his fears and has slept like a rock ever since. Through these counseling sessions, I
recognized my own self confidence issues, so I began sessions for myself. Feelings
had been coming to the surface that I could not name and did not remember. I took
my search for answers to my father and found out what I could not remember.
Locked inside of me was the 5 year-old child in me who had felt abandoned when
my mother had disappeared for a weekend affair which was followed by a year of
her living on her own and working through her own issues. I experienced the
grief of the loss of the love I had expected from my mother. I was very angry
for a while and God helped me to see that we are all flawed. The love that I
compulsively needed could only come unfailingly from God. I was able to forgive
my mother, strengthen our relationship with each other and know without a doubt
I am loved by an unfailing God. And I am
convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor
demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the
powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in
the earth below—indeed—nothing in all creations will ever be able to separate
us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
Then the day finally came when after 12 years of being a
stay-at-home mom, I was given a job. It became apparent after a couple of years
that I was not happy in my job situation. I began searching for another option
and praying for God’s guidance in finding what he wanted me to do. Through a
conversation with a guidance counselor at a local trade school, I realized I
needed to look again at my dream job of being a counselor. It was at this point
I discovered the difference between a secular counselor and a pastoral counselor.
I knew God had led me to my
calling and everything along the way had been preparing me for it. My
confidence wavered because of my own fears which I have come to learn are a
weakness within my temperament. But a sermon by our new senior pastor made everything
clear; God will equip me with what I need. I was not to fear the call God has
made on me but embrace it with total faith in the Lord. “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.” At
once they left their nets and followed him. Mark 1:17-18
With time, prayer and guidance from the Lord, I chose to
work towards becoming a licensed Christian counselor through the National
Christian Counseling Association. I began my studies with Colorado Theological
Seminary to receive my Master’s in Clinical Pastoral Counseling because it was
a good fit with my full-time working life and family. I have discovered so much
more about myself through knowing my temperament which is Supine-Phlegmatic,
Choleric, Supine-Compulsive and am continually fascinated by what I am learning
and how, with this knowledge and God’s Word, I can help others.
My job situation had become increasingly difficult and
challenging because my Christian morals were at odds with the new company owner
and management. I was tempted to quit a couple of times in the last six months
after being beaten down because I spoke up for fairness, appreciation and
respect. The “open-door” policy was not really an “open-door” policy at all but
more lies. My Choleric in Control part of my temperament was really being
worked on by God. I learned that I could control my temper and my mouth through
the Word of God and the power of the Holy Spirit within me. “For
the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword,
piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and
marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12 I also was worked on to
love and forgive those in this job that were creating such conflict. Perfection
achieved? Hardly. But there were giant steps taken in my growth through the
experiences at this job. Be kind and
compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God
forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
In His perfect timing, I was laid off from my job at the end
of January and nominated to serve as a deacon at my church. Almighty God knew I
was going to need time to devote towards equipping myself for His call to
counsel those in need. And we know that in all things God works for
the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28
God has given me the mission to help others connect with Him
through Jesus Christ and find balance between their body, soul and spirit by
teaching them about who God created in them and fostering their continued
growth so that with God’s guidance they can maintain balance and connection to
Him and become more and more of what God wants you to be. My counseling ministry will focus
on youth, teens and their families who are struggling with conflicts and I will
work at serving not only those who come to my door for help or who are directed
to me for help but to reach out to the community and provide creative educational
opportunities that will teach young people who God created in them, how they
fit into God’s plan and how to live an others-oriented life with the help of
the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. I
am sure of what I hope for and certain of what I cannot see and know God will lead
me as I continue on this journey of faith, His calling and ministry of
counseling. God will lead me and I will follow. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God, may your good Spirit lead
me on level ground. Psalm 143:10
