Keeping your mind clear and maintaining
self-control are much harder than it seems. A clear mind and self-control are
easy enough when things are good but when faced with not so good things that
flood us with emotions, our thinking becomes cloudy and focusing on the Lord is
like trying to find a black sock in a dark room. This cloudy thinking problem
happened to me on Thursday. I read an email from one of the co-managers and saw
red. I tried to temper my reaction and stopped myself from sending a reply
email that would not have been friendly and got up and went to get some tea. I
got my tea and went and talked about the situation with the other co-manager
who I know listens. I felt better having talked to her but that anger was still
inside. I went back to my desk intending to try to let it all go but the
co-manager that triggered this anger ended up at my desk asking me how I was
doing. I started off by calmly telling her that I was angry and began to tell
her why but in her typical way she interrupted me. I ended up raising my voice
asking her to listen to me and that helped for about 2 seconds and she was back
again not listening. Well, that just fueled the anger that I had at this point
been able to control. She pretty much said I shouldn’t expect someone to do
their job when something is passed over to them. So, my response was
anger-filled and I told her than I would no longer trust sending anything to
the Texas office and I would send anything that I could not get done myself to
the managers here so that I could…It’s a long story but basically the new
program that some jurisdictions now run in I don’t have the ability or training
to do some of the things I could do in our other program. In any case, the
heart of the matter lies with this cloudy anger-frustration-filled thinking and
not stopping and praying right then and there for God’s peace. My praying ended
up coming afterwards and all night long as I tried to sleep. I kept thinking how
I tried so hard to control my reactions and realized that “I” was the problem.
Before talking with anyone about this “I” should have been talking to God. With
his help, “We” would have overcome this challenge together. Well, with God’s
help the next morning the Lord and I apologized to the co-manager for raising
my voice. So, my homework on this is going to be finding a scripture that I can
memorize that will help me when this cloudy thinking comes into play so it will
be in my heart and soul and God’s living word will help me gain perspective and
put my focus on Him who will guide me in making godly choices that will bring
Him glory.
1Peter
4:7 Therefore be clear
minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.
(I read this at lunch time that same day
this all happened. God is so working on me)
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