Day 9: Drawing Closer to God (Far from Perfect)

Although, my own walk with the Lord is far from perfect, I am so grateful to him for the baby steps that seem to happen every day from over coming fear and anxiety on what to say to people to not beating myself up for my own limitations. I am seeing firsthand how focusing on the Lord and his love for me conquers those fears, clears away the worries and helps me to see myself as the Lord sees me: unique, beautiful, child of God. I feel like I am really living out what Jesus wants for me and he is given me more and more confidence in what he has called me to do. So, I sing his praise because without Him it would not be. He is my strength, my confidence and my peace.
Phillipians 1:6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 306

 

The movie After Earth with Will Smith is filled with parallels of biblical concepts. There was one of a beautiful example of how the Holy Spirit is always with us. When we are really connected to God then the power of the Holy Spirit grows within us. The movie is about a father and son who find themselves back on planet Earth which is currently hostile to human survival. The father sends the son out on a mission to save them both otherwise they will die. But the son has a communication devise on his arm and a video devise on his back that keep him in contact with his father and the father is able to see everything that could try to harm his son. The son finds himself in dangerous frightening scenarios and the father calmly talks him through them, helping him calm his fears and focus.

Over the course of the mission, the son is growing in his confidence and finds himself rebelling against the father. The son ends up doing something very dangerous and ends up without his communication devise so he can’t talk to his father and hear his father. But his father can still see all that is happening and is still talking to him like he can hear him. There was a beautiful moment when the father was talking to the son to calm his fears and the son not being able to hear the father was grounded in what the father had taught him. So when the father says , “take a knee” , the son was taking a knee. In the end it was like the power of the Holy Spirit came to fruition within the son and gave him the power to conquer his fear. The father was with him every step of the way.  Our journey of faith is like this mission: we accept Jesus into our hearts, work on building a growth foundation and connecting relationship with God and the Holy Spirit will work within us and the fruit of that relationship will be demonstrated in our character. Fostering that relationship is the key to the fruit of the Spirit growing within us.

2Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 263

The word “rely” means to have trust or confidence in. God demonstrates our love for us in so many ways. Every day of our life is filled with how he loves us but the greatest example of his love is through his son Jesus. I can’t even imagine being a parent and watching my child be tortured and brutally be put to death on a cross. God can do anything. He could have told Jesus “never mind these humans, speak up and defend yourself” or he could have made the cross turn to dust and the nails become invisible. He could have stopped his only son from dying on a cross if it were not for the amazing depth of his love for us. That love is our confidence! If you are ever feeling doubts, fears or separated in any way from God, look to the cross and be reminded of God’s amazing love.

Father, it isn’t even possible to convey with words the feelings of what you did for us. Thank you is not enough. Help us to show the kind of love you showed us through Jesus. Amen.

1John 4:16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 219

Yesterday was the last day of work for our operations manager so I brought her a little homemade gift and a card. My department has been through a lot of negative stuff and a lot of that was put on our office manager for lack of communication, etc. But despite the negative stuff, I felt gratefulness towards her for believing in me and inspiring my confidence over the last 4 years. The card was received with some looks from my fellow team mates but I kindly said to look past the negative and sign the card. Later in the day in the break room, our operations manager came over and gave me an impromptu hug. It was surprising to me but than I realized she must have gotten the card and read what I said. Speaking these kinds of words can be tough especially with someone with whom you only have a working relationship with but the written word is always a good back-up to let someone know you appreciate them. It was good see her go on a positive note.

1 Corinthians 11:1 Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 127

We were given Good Friday off at my work which is unusual but we were thankful. Unfortunately, the rest of the alarm industry was working away on Friday so come Monday morning our work was piled high and a power outage over the weekend created some trouble to work through. I was busy working away when I was called to the operations manager office. It’s either I did something wrong or they have something they want me to do. So, as she started to tell me it was about a customer who was given a permit but turns out is not in that jurisdiction, I started to feel the defensiveness kick-in within me. I immediately went into explaining how tedious the task is and how a mistake could be made. I had to go and re-check stuff and found no other mistakes which thankfully made me feel good and my office manager was happy to have that information to pass along to the jurisdiction. The jurisdiction contact is a very nice lady and responded with a nice email that basically said the same thing. We are human and with all the addresses and details we have to deal with, it is understandable that mistakes will be made. This seemingly instinctive defense mode I get into when someone is criticizing me or telling me of mistakes I have made is part of my temperament. It will be something I will be looking further at within myself and looking to the Holy Spirit to help me overcome this weakness and give me the means to be gentle in my response to criticism and not become defensive but have the confidence in who I am and what I do.

Proverbs 3:26 For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.  

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 68

Last evening, I picked up my 16 year old son at this bible study group and we headed home. On the way, he courageously asked me for advice on Valentine’s Day saying this was the first Valentine’s Day that he wanted to do something for someone. My son has a girlfriend that he met through his church youth group. I gave him my suggestions and we talked about how he has gotten a boost of confidence because he knows someone likes him. I had to tell him that there are probably other girls that like you but just haven’t had the courage to say anything. I remember having a crush on a boy starting in 5^th grade and never did I say or do anything about it. Fear of rejection is so very real for all of us. We have to choose to let go and know that we are loved by our God who gave himself so that we might live. There is a road ahead for my son that will have rejection and heartache but I will be praying that he will draw closer to God and be filled with His love.

Romans 5:2-5 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

365 Days of Spirit-Filled Fruits Challenge-Day 68

Last evening, I picked up my 16 year old son at this bible study group and we headed home. On the way, he courageously asked me for advice on Valentine’s Day saying this was the first Valentine’s Day that he wanted to do something for someone. My son has a girlfriend that he met through his church youth group. I gave him my suggestions and we talked about how he has gotten a boost of confidence because he knows someone likes him. I had to tell him that there are probably other girls that like you but just haven’t had the courage to say anything. I remember having a crush on a boy starting in 5^th grade and never did I say or do anything about it. Fear of rejection is so very real for all of us. We have to choose to let go and know that we are loved by our God who gave himself so that we might live. There is a road ahead for my son that will have rejection and heartache but I will be praying that he will draw closer to God and be filled with His love.

Romans 5:2-5 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

365 Days of Praise Challenge-Day 341

Happy Halloween! It is the one day of the year, you can dress-up and be someone else for the day. For those of us who are introverts, this can really be freeing. It gives you the confidence to speak up and be the extrovert you just aren’t normally. Dressing up as someone or something else does give a sense of freedom. As children of God, we have been given guidance in God’s word on how to dress for success and put on the armor of God. We can be a soldier for Christ, a saint, a witness for the gospel and more with the armor of God. Here is a link to a bible study I found on the internet about the armor of God.

http://www.acts17-11.com/armor.html  Praising God for this day set aside for fun and freedom and praising God for giving us the guidance and what we need so we can dress-up for Him everyday.

Ephesians 6:10-17 ...Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled round your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

365 Days of Praise Challenge-Day 327

One of the benefits on the journey to becoming a Christian counselor is that I will be discovering more about myself and strengthen my relationship with God. I started reading a book that covers the basics in the theory of temperaments. I am fascinated by it. Already only 10-12 pages into it and I can see what they say about how we can focus too much on our weaknesses and that will bring us out of balance. I totally have done that with my worry over my auditory processing ability. My brain just takes a bit longer to process what it is hearing but I realized that the best part about being a counselor is its okay to ask for more clarification from the person who is talking to you and its part of the job to ask questions and its okay to take notes during your discussion. Whatever my temperament is, I am sure one of the weakness I have is worrying about what others think. It is my biggest road block and confidence crusher. I have been overcoming it more and more but I feel like I am on the verge of really knowing who I am the way God created me to be. In reading this book, I know that that weakness can become a strength when my focus is on the Lord. Praise to God for your guidance and leading down this path to discovery. You are amazing! Love you so, Lord.

Phillipians 2:13 for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.

365 Days of Praise Challenge-Day 315

I am pretty sure there are distinct personality types created by God and some of those types or at least one of those types is more prone to having fears. I have struggled with fear of what people think of me, fears of being on the phone, fears of conflict and more for my whole life. This last year since doing the bible study Fearless by Max Lucado, the Lord has really helped me get past some of these fears. Mind you, we are always a work in progress so today may be a fearless day and tomorrow I may take a step backwards. Yesterday at work, was one of those fearless days. I have been confronted with having to cold call alarm companies at my job in the past 3 years but have managed to delegate it to someone else to do or find a way around it like discovering an email address. Yesterday, I was emailed a copy of an invoice an alarm company received with a quick written note on it that the alarm had been installed in 1970. Unfortunately, that was not an excuse to get out of the fine this alarm company received. In looking at their account, I discovered there was no contact information except a phone number. OH No! I contemplated it briefly, got side-tracked temporarily, and than came back to it and just picked up the phone to cold call this alarm company. I ended up speaking directly with who I needed to speak to so that was a good thing but he ended up getting defensive right away and definitely had an attitude. I was relieved to finally get somewhere with this man and get off the phone. In the end, I am pretty sure he just doesn’t want to pay or follow what the law says but at least I made the good effort attempt to educate him and help him clear up his account and try to get him into compliance with the law. I would never have made that call had not the Lord been working within me and helping me overcome my fears and build my confidence. So all praise to Him!!! But I will be praying this day will be without any need for such phone calls. Thank the Lord it is Friday!

Isaiah 41:13 For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

365 Days of Praise Challenge-Day 307

I got the call yesterday from my church that I didn't get the job. I had made the final two after a grueling interview process that took just over 6 weeks. I really am honored to have made the final two and in the end they chose the other lady because she had 10 years experience as a missionary in Turkey and the postion had a lot to do with missions. I thought I would feel more disappointed but what I really feel is free. I know that in this time I have been doing research on other carrer paths and my calling from God became crystal clear. I am going to study to be a biblical counselor. I am very excited to be able to move forward with this. The whole job thing really took me down a detour road which I did do because God did call me to go for the job. Obviously, it wasn't to get the job but to go through the whole process. I discovered that with preparation I really wasn't so bad of an interviewee that I thought. It really was about being prepared for the questions. So, in the end, I have gained more confidence in myself, practiced my patience and learned to let go and let God do his thing. All things work for the good of God's plan. So, now I have to narrow down my schooling options and let God lead me to the school that works in his plan for me.

Romans 11:29 for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable.

365 Days of Praise Challenge-Day 296

We watched the singing competition show called The Voice last evening. This competition starts with the blind auditions. The judges have their backs facing the stage and they hit their buttons to turn around based only on what they are hearing. The final singer of the night was a "gentle giant". He was an 18 year old big black guy who sang incredibly. They often tell the stories of the singers and his really struck a cord with me. He was told by an 8th grade teacher he would be a nobody, nothing and what he really wants from this singing competition is confidence. This kind of thing gets me incensed. My mother always told me if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. She learned this from God's word. The lips and what comes out of them can be very detremental. Our words have the power for good and the power for bad so it is something we have to take responsiblity for and control. Now this teacher may have been having a very bad day, week, year, who knows but in the end we have to learn that it is not all just about us. What we say can hurt. God calls us to be building each other up, not tearing each other down. I am sure this "gentle giant" will find his confidence and my prayer is he will find forgiveness for this teacher and I pray the teacher will find his or her way to God's word and let the Lord heal his or her heart and guide him or her to using his or her words only for building up.

Ephesian 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

365 Days of Praise Challenge-Day 287

As I was heading to my second interview yesterday, I was not feeling so good. I was feeling naseua for about that last couple hours thanks to hormones. Ugh. So, as I walked into the church for my second interview I said a quick prayer for the right words, to be able to focus on giving the answer and not ramble and for my stomach to calm down. God is so good. I left my second interview feeling much better about what I said, how I said it and how I came across. At the end, they asked if there were any questions they didn't ask that I wanted to bring up. My gut told me to speak up about my commitment to Christ and how I came to know him. So, I ended up telling them my testimony. One of the ladies commented on how powerful a testimony it is. I look to my left where the HR guy is sitting and he is in tears. Wow! So, I think maybe I left there making an impression and hopefully it was a good one. If you haven't heard or read my testimony it is on my blog under My Testimony tab. The HR guy who has been involved in each of the 3 interviews so far commented that I was a new Janine. I said everything is the same inside that today it just came right. I was more confident, more comfortable, more at peace and just generally delighted and honored to be one of those final four candidates and my stomach naseua was gone. Thank you Lord for filling me up with all the right stuff!
Romans 10:10 “By believing from the heart, you obtain true righteousness; by confessing the faith with your lips you are saved”.

365 Days of Praise Challenge-Day 196

You don't want to get a phone call about any of your kids when they are away at camp. It can only be not good news. I got one of those phone calls yesterday from the head camp counselor. Someone's in trouble or sick?. Faith had a fever the night before of 102. She apparently was fine now and said she wanted to stay so they were calling to give us a heads up in case the fever came back. The thing that both my husband and I picked up on the most was the fact that she really wanted to stay. She is apparenlty having a great time despite the fever on night 4. So though it was not a call you want to get, we both took it as good news that all was well with our baby girl out in the world. We have been praying that she would reach that point of independence and getting away from the clingingness to her mom and dad. I think we are getting there! She's been overcoming her own natural fears and conquering them. Thank you Lord for walking with my kids and giving them what they need to grow in their faith and become all you want them to be.
Proverbs 3:26...for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.

365 Days of Praise Challenge-Day 137

In preparing for the review of our bible study, Fearless by Max Lucado, I have been thinking a lot about fear and some of the things touched on in this study. I am finding that trust is the key antidote for fear. How hard is it for us to trust? I think it really is a day by day, moment by moment kind of thing. Trust is something that we have to ask for help with. Call on the Holy Spirit to fill us with faith each day. I think of the time I was in the hospital before Faith was born and feel like that what I felt was the ultimate in trust. I had peace and an assurance that everything was going to be alright. That was the Holy Spirit working in me. There have been other times since that I have felt the peace descend upon me but it isn't everyday. I want to trust and be filled with faith everyday and I know with that will be my courage. Thank you Lord for giving me what I need. I need to trust more and fear less. Help me to drink in the trust and pour out the love of you with courage and confidence.
John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.